Our Needs
Conflict resolution, calls us to look at the he root cause for most conflicts, which is unmet needs. Dialogue helps us to discover our feelings at the deepest levels, however, have you wondered what is behind your feelings? Needs are what are behind feelings. Positive feelings signal MET NEEDS and negative feelings signal UNMET NEEDS. In Worldwide Marriage Encounter, we look at four basic needs.
- to love and be loved
- to belong
- to have self worth
- to have autonomy
Keep in mind that needs don’t create intimacy in our relationship, feelings do. Feelings signal to us a need that is either being met, or not being met. Identifying these needs, enables us to step out of the conflict and better understand our underlying unmet needs, and those of our spouse, before sitting down to resolve a conflict.
Resolution of all conflict is a MYTH. The truth is that most conflict can be resolved but many conflicts have to be managed and may never be resolved. Conflict is a part of the human condition.
Loving one another as Christ loved us
Our hope to resolving conflict resides in loving one another as Christ loved us! The issue is not the issue. Our relationship and its quality is the true focal point. When we take on this attitude, we dramatically decrease the possibility of conflict and this is the first tool we must use. Three keys have been given and modeled to us by Christ…they are:
- Compassion
- Asking for and granting forgiveness
- Willingness to forgive
Dialogue Questions
God’s desire for us is to love, respect and honor each other to the fullest. What do I need to do to love my spouse fully? How do I feeling sharing this with you?
Conflict Resolution Resources
(from thecouplespost.org)
The Power of Positive: Converting Negatives about our Relationship to Positives
Twenty Ways to Become a More Patient Spouse
4 Steps to Resolve Disagreements in Marriage
If its been a while, since your Worldwide Marriage Encounter Experience, and your relationship continues to struggle with unmet needs, consider attending an anniversary one. Often, revisiting the communication tools offered on the experience, will give your relationship a reset. Find an upcoming Experience near you at wwme.org/apply.