Valentine’s Day is second only to Christmas for gift buying. Cards say what we can’t put into words. A fancy dinner is treasured time, but flowers fade and chocolate quickly disappears. What if you could spend less and give more by offering a gift of love nearly every day? You can with Intentional Gifting.
What is Intentional Gifting?
MF: Intentional Gifting is thinking about Tom, his likes and love language. It is focusing on his needs in the moment. This helps me love him in a way that shows I care, want to ease his burden or increase his joy. It is going out of my way to do something special for Tom. It’s all about the thought and love, the ‘intention’ I put into the gift.
Intentionality Requires Transparency
TOM: How well do you really know the needs of your spouse at any given moment? What is their worry? What do they need most today? How comfortable are you in sharing your needs? How transparent are you?
Vulnerability and Intimacy Go Hand-In-Hand
Tom: Guys and women, too, have been taught to value strength and independence. It is an attempt to protect us from being vulnerable, hurt, disappointed, . . . but when we protect ourselves from vulnerability, we also close the door to intimacy.
Asking Is Practicing Humility and Vulnerability
MF: Sometimes I know what Tom needs even without asking. Often, I must ask. Asking is practicing humility. It is admitting I’m clueless. Asking also involves a commitment, a willingness to act on what I have learned. That is being vulnerable.
Creating a Safe Space
Tom: When MF asks me what I need most, my first impulse is often: “Oh, nothing. I’m fine.” Practicing transparency and vulnerability helps us move beyond “fine” as we build trust. MF doesn’t stop at fine. She’ll hug me, scratch my back and offer suggestions. Her eyes can often tell what my lips are afraid to speak. When her focus is on me, her gentleness melts my barriers and I realize how much I need her. And that is OK!
Creating a safe space enables us to make each other’s needs the focus of our day. Admitting our deepest yearning becomes no longer scary but fulfilling. Vulnerability in asking and sharing our needs enables Intentional Gifting.
For Example . . .
MF: At the beginning of the day, a focused affirmation may be just what Tom needs to get through a tough spot. My words, the tone in my voice and an embrace can be the wind in his sail to face a difficult part of his day. At the end of the day, he often needs the time and space to unwind. Choosing to give him that space when I would rather share the rigors of my day is an Intentional Gift. Occasionally his desire is a hand to help him complete a project — or romance — a gift to both of us!
So, . . . Go ahead. Be brave. Be vulnerable. Ask with humility and Give with great Intention. Make this Valentine’s Day last all year with Intentional Gifting!
